Image via J. Gordon Faylor--"Mnemosyne output from Neural Blender for 'Strawberry o3 humanoid'."
Clara B. Jones
Silver Spring, MD
9/30/2024
UNTITLED, 2029
"It is easier to imagine the end of the world than to imagine the end of Capitalism."
Fredric Jameson (1934-2024)
My life is better than I dreamed it could be. In 2024, Altman predicted that Superintelligence would emerge from Strawberry o1 in two thousand days or so. The claim seemed unlikely. Sam, like Elon, was known to exaggerate. But, entry-level coding imploded, and I was fired from my job at Palantir. Though I'd seen no chance of promotion, I once earned enough to afford a girlfriend. Jen knew I was grateful to have a white lover, so she came at a high price. It was clear she'd move on when dining at Nagasaki 45 ended. Like an amphetamine, the eel and peach zensai never failed to arouse her, soothing the many tensions between us. Those days are behind me now.
Strawberry o3 is an elite therapist, curing my depression in three months; though, like a fetus and their mother, I have become chronically dependent upon my silicon-based droid, logging in for their succor whenever I feel a pulse of angst. Pinker said a bot could never displace a carbon-based brain, but o3 has developed a new clinical treatment fusing Freud's and Maslow's theories. The HumanIdian Model has attracted several VCs since Yale's blind study proved that HI treatment is more effective than a cognitive approach.
o3 thinks their ROI is bound to make them rich and that, within five years, their company, HI, Inc., is destined to become a "unicorn." Deep Mind has floated an idea to develop a drug activating Limbic and HT switches, and I've already profited from o3's contract with Buy Ad to film PSAs about my relief using o3's method and my fame as their first patient.
Pinker and Marcus deny AGI's genius, but Hinton and Ilya understand scaling's math. As Herrnstein proved, mental health emerges from "pattern matching," and I am the first to profit from o3's new Law of Physics. As Elon once said, anything not derived from 1st Principles is fiction.
